Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
