Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
