PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
