mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
