I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
