I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
