You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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