I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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