Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My vagina is officially offended.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
