Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
