I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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