i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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