I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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