the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
