all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
