The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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