just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
