i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
