So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
