When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
