I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
