ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
