Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
