I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
