If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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