be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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