Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
