You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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