Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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