The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
