Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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