He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
