its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
