A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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