Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
