i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
