I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The uberlube is also flammable
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
