Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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