I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I smell stomach acid.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
