just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
