I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
