your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
