maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
