Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
