Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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