I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How external is "for external use only"?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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