I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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