I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Life is so much better after having sex.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
