I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We have so much sex to catch up on
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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