It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
