You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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