I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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