Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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