summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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