Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
