Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
