Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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