i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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