Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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