it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm like, not good at living.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
