my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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