Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
