I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Randomize
