She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
