What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
