I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize