There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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