what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
