Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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