Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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