sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Operation Purity has been aborted
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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