I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
