I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
