i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize