just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
