I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
