Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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