She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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