FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
